The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
