Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
