So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
