glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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