The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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