winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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