just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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