He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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