hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
even my farts smell like vagina
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
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according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
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Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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