Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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