Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
