I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
