my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
