i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
