I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
