dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
