My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
