cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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