I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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