Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
