im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
