Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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