Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
