Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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