if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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