So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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