So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
