you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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