should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
