a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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