he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Soap is not a condiment
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
