Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
