He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
