I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
