We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
