Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
