It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I met the friendliest cop last night
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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