that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
