Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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