apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
