Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
