Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize