I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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