I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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