Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
