i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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