the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Sober January is a disaster.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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