whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
