guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
