There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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