Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
