; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
