I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i love accidental penises.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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