Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
