6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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