I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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