Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
