Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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