it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
PANTIES FOUND
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