If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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