I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
