I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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