i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
