so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
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Tornado booty call.. dedication
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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