I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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