You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
