I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
